Growing up, my sister always had a thing for art and my recent bonding with her is one of the couple of things that inspired the title of this post. Most importantly, it is a reference to my new outlook on my own life. Over the last seven months, I have honestly made little recovery from my emotional and mental scars that were brought upon me so unexpectedly. The one word I would use to best describe this time period of my life is broken. I feel as though there are many areas in my life that have shattered to pieces and I am struggling to even begin picking up the mess. I have decided that it is time that I begin to take what pieces I have gathered so far and begin to turn them into a unique piece of art. I want to begin to shape my life into something more exquisite than before, something unique, something I am proud of.
I want to start with the one topic I am not sure I will ever be capable of making a blog post and not mentioning: my friends and loved ones. These last couple of weeks, I have felt closer to more of my friends than I have in a long time. Everyone has been there for me and I am doing all I can to return the favor. They are most of the reason I am the person that I am today. From the bottom of my heart, I can say that I have had a few days in this last month or so that have been some of my lowest ones yet. I feel as though I am sometimes doing a bad thing when I bottle my emotions in from my friends, but I do it because I don’t feel good about flooding the same people with the same stories and complaints that I have been for months. The least I can do is be more honest with you all and do my best to make a change. If the things I have to blame my unhappiness on are always the same, that proves that I am not dong my best at making the necessary changes. After all everyone has done for me, the least I can do is face my fear of making changes and begin to shape a future for myself.
No matter how poorly a day is going for me, something as small as receiving a text saying “Hey” or even a getting a random Snapchat can seriously instantly wipe the frown of my face. My contact with my friends is a huge reason I am becoming more and more determined to clean up this mess I am in. They make me not only want to be happy so they can see me be happy, but to truly be happy with myself. In the last two weeks, there are a few individuals whom have brought me a lot of self peace. One of them is often my late night, heart-to-heart buddy that I haven’t known extremely long, but I feel like I can tell him anything. We share thoughts and songs for hours, whether it be on games our through text. Another is a friend whom I may never get to meet in my life, but has been nothing but sweet to me and is wonderful human being. She recently opened my eyes to a band I would have otherwise never have considered listening to until she recommended them to me and turns out I enjoy a lot of their songs. The last notable one is a new acquaintance whom is a new gaming buddy of mine. Within minutes of talking, I discovered she is almost an exact replica of me, but female! It’s a friendship I am excited to see mold into something great! It is the little things like these that seriously make me the happiest. Now, don’t for a second think these are the only 3 important friends. I don’t have enough time to possibly name all of my friends and why they mean so much to me. But to all of my friends: whether you are by my side, back home or even on another continent, I love you all and appreciate everything about each and every one of you.
Now I knew going into this that being such an emotional person, who spends every waking moment thinking, that the recovery and reconstruction stages were not going to be a walk in the park for me. I have decided that I am going to begin repairing my scars one at a time, tackling the little ones first. If I want to win this war, I must first tackle the small battles. For starters, before I moved to Cape, there were two things I did every week that brought me a sense of comfort and relaxation, while also giving me a temporary break from reality. Those things were running and bowling. I never ran competitively or for health reasons. I purely ran because I can listen to music while feeling free and being able to enjoy the surrounding nature and set personal goals and tackle them. Walking back in to your home after a good run is such a satisfying feeling and I miss that sense of accomplishment. Bowling is a whole different story. I bowled from the age of 5 until last year when I moved to Cape. That was something I did for many reasons. I bowled for fun, I bowled competitively and I would do anything I could back home to support the sport and promote my local bowling alley, which was like my second home. When I first moved here, I always said it was too expensive to bowl all the time. With the budget I was on at the time, that was the truth to be honest. I am now at a comfortable point in my life where I can afford to do this again and would love to do so. As of next week, I would like to set two small goals for myself and that is where I shall start. Every week or two, I was to be sure to get a few games of bowling under my belt and get back out on the lanes. Maybe I can use this as an opportunity to meet new people in an environment that I am comfortable. I am also looking to get a decent run or two in every week. There will always be more things that I need to work on, but I have to start somewhere. I have always been able to provide advice to my friends about tackling difficult tasks and for once, I need to apply this advice to myself or practice what I preach. Now, I think it is time I end this post while I am ahead and quit procrastinating on this calculus homework.
Good morning to all. Have a wonderful day!